Tuxedo Ranma
by Neverwhere Chaos Mode
Summary: Ranma Saotome is now Mamoru Chiba, for better or worse. But old problems seem to be creeping into his new, much calmer, life.
1. History Repeats

Prologue - History Repeats (With a Vengence)

Mamoru Chiba had gotten off his plane from China more than two hours previous, and only now was he getting out of customs. Apparently someone had brought something questionable through, and they'd only just gotten everything sorted out. He'd been in America originally, but… circumstances… had forced him to go to the hinterlands of China. Mostly for training. He ran a hand through his hair, which now hung just a shade past his shoulders.

Stepping into the airport proper he glanced idly about, not seeing Usagi anywhere, not that that was a surprise, given he hadn't told anyone he was coming back just yet. You could never tell just what Ami's computer could tell her though, so he had to be careful, and act fast if he was to handle his business before she got wind he was back.

As he hit the street and hailed a taxi, he made his decision, and directed the cabbie to the house of a dear old friend.

---

Mamoru smiled at Motoki, and raised his glass, water, to his friend. "Thanks for putting me up for a few days."

Motoki smiled. "No problem. With Reika out of town, I've got space for a bit. Not to mention I could use the company."

Mamoru grinned, "Well, I'll try to keep out of your hair, and find a place of my own before too long here."

Motoki then looked at friend a little strangely. "You and Usagi have another fight Mamoru? I would think she'd be all over you now that you're back."

Mamoru blinked, then smiled. "No. I just haven't told her I'm back yet. I want to surprise her with it. But… It'll take a few days to set up. Can you keep it a secret 'till then?"

Motoki grinned and ran a hand through his blond hair. "Sure. Hey, Mamoru?"

"Hmm?"

Motoki gave him another strange look. "I hope you don't mind me saying this, but you seem... different."

Mamoru looked startled. "Oh?"

Motoki shook his head. "Not 'bad' different… just… I don't know… more relaxed, I guess."

Mamoru gave a wry grin. "It would figure, considering I'm more nervous now than I've been in years."

"The reunion with Usagi?"

Mamoru shifted. "Yeah." _That and everything that goes with it._ "Hey, I've got another stop to make, can we pick this up later?"

Motoki smiled. "Sure, see you later."

Mamoru waved behind him as he headed out the door and onto the street.

---

Ranma Saotome wiped some nervous sweat off his palms and knocked on the door to an unassuming house in downtown Odaiba, the quieter side of the Minato ward (as opposed to the still relatively monster ridden Juuban). A woman in her mid-to-late-thirties answered the door. "Hello…"

As she caught sight of him, her eyes widened, rolled back up into her head, and she collapsed, forcing him to catch her before he hit the floor inside.

"Took that better than I thought she would." Ranma mumbled.

"Kasumi? Who's at the door…?" Tofu Ono stopped and trailed off as he looked at the young man in the doorway.

Ranma finished picking up Kasumi, and gave the doctor a nervous grin. "It's been a while, huh?"

Tofu nodded and gestured for Ranma to bring Kasumi inside with him. "Yes it has, hasn't it? May I ask what happened? You don't seem to have aged more than a year or two in the last… what? Twenty years?"

Ranma shrugged. "Eighteen or nineteen, I think. Don't really remember it all."

The doctor raised an eyebrow. "Oh?"

Ranma shifted uncomfortably. "It has to do with how it happened."

Tofu sighed. "Do you know about…?"

"The others? Yeah… I ran into Nabiki about three months ago."

"I wouldn't think Nabiki would do anything other than yell at you all things considered."

Ranma grinned a little self-consciously. "Well, she couldn't exactly yell at me when I found her. Couldn't let her business associates see her loose control. And later… well she was calm enough to at least listen by then."

Ono nodded. "So what _did_ happen? You seem… calmer, more mature."

Ranma sighed. "It's a long story."

"We have plenty of those, no?"

Ranma sighed. "Fair enough. But let's wait for Kasumi to wake up first, okay?"

Tofu nodded. The next ten minutes until Kasumi regained consciousness were a little tense, mostly just Tofu attempting to update Ranma on what had happened to the wrecking crew after he'd disappeared, and Ranma interrupting with what he'd learned from Nabiki. Then, with both staring at him, he started.

"Well, I suppose, to you guys, I just disappeared one night, right?"

With their answering nods, he continued.

---

Ranma looked up at the night sky, noting the full moon, and grateful for it. If he'd read the note right, he was pretty sure the old ghoul would be making one last ploy for him to marry Shampoo this evening. He'd need the extra light, as this was likely to come down to a fight. He wasn't sure how he knew that it would be the last, he just did. The entire thing held a hint of finality.

The old ghoul pogoed on her staff out into the lot. "Hello, Ranma."

He was instantly on alert. She wasn't calling him son-in-law at the moment. Trouble. "Whadda ya want, ya old ghoul?"

She sighed. "You are in something of an interesting situation at the moment, Ranma. The Council of Elders has made a decision regarding you."

Ranma fought off the urge to fall into a battle stance. "Oh?"

Cologne grimaced. "For the defeat of Saffron, you are granted a boon, not one we give lightly." She gently tossed him a small object. He moved to bat it out of his way, but it exploded and sent several tiny lightning bolts into his system. For a moment, he felt gut-wrenching pain, then he only felt… off. Not bad, just… off. The he felt abnormally strong, like his ki got a sudden boost of amazing proportions.

"There appears one of those every five hundred years in Jusenkyo. Normally we are forced to fight off both the Phoenix and the Musk for it, but this time, thanks to you, we obtained it relatively unopposed."

Ranma patted himself suspiciously. "What is it?"

"A cure."

Ranma's eyes bulged. Cologne pulled out a small flask of water and through it at him, sending him into shock as for the first time in over a year, he _didn't change_.

So he didn't properly register it as Cologne blurred - until he felt a burning pain in his back, one he'd only felt once before. He collapsed to his knees in shock. Cologne continued to speak. "Unfortunately, the same power that grants you that boon makes you a threat to us, and our way of life - not to mention how many of our techniques you know."

"Damn you." Being a girl sometimes he could handle, he'd more or less resigned himself to it by now, but weakness?

He heard her chuckle. "Don't worry _too_ much Ranma. It's not quite the same as Happi's technique - which means the good doctor won't have the slightest clue on how to fix it - it just prevents you from ever consciously accessing your ki again. You're still strong, just nowhere near as strong as you used to be. But then there's still the matter of your knowledge of our techniques…"

---

"And I didn't remember a thing after that until a couple of months ago."

Kasumi looked at him in wonder. "You don't have any idea what happened to you?"

Ranma blinked. "What? No. I've been able to piece some things together since then, but I don't know for sure just yet. I just didn't remember anything before then.

"I think Cologne used her memory shampoo on me. And then, maybe those mushrooms of Ryoga's, or something different, to turn me into a baby. Then she just dumped me outside an orphanage."

Dr. Tofu nodded. "No memories, very young, and I assume Cologne's ki block was in place?"

Ranma nodded. "Yeah. I've gotten rid of it by accident since, but since I didn't know what to train for, or even how to center myself, it didn't matter, you know?"

The Onos nodded. Kasumi spoke up. "Is that why you didn't come home right away? Retraining?"

Ranma pulled at his pigtail a little. "Well, that and I was on a college scholarship. Couldn't just up and leave right away."

Tofu grinned, and Kasumi clapped once in delight. "Oh, wonderful. What's your major?"

Ranma blushed a little. "Um… medicine."

Tofu rolled his eyes. "Looking for a paid internship, are we?"

Ranma glared. "Hey! It's not like that! I wanted to see you guys too." Then he mumbled. "But, maybe… if you wanted me to…"

The older man smiled. "It's okay Ranma. I understand. Besides, the clinic is getting a little too popular for Kasumi and I to handle alone." He gave Ranma a sidelong glance. "You _do_ still remember the shiatsu I taught you, right?"

Ranma grinned. "Of course."

Kasumi smiled. "Oh… it seems like the entire family is getting into medicine now. Maybe Nabiki will go back to school too, hm?"

Ranma rolled his eyes. "I don't think so, Kasumi. She seemed pretty content running that casino in Vegas."

Tofu was quiet for a moment with a grin at the thought of Nabiki, and Kasumi smiled. "Still, between you and Akane, It is almost the whole family. Say… if you were a child, and obviously adopted, what's your name now?"

Ranma blinked, gave a light blush, and scratched the back of his head. "Oh, right. I'm Mamoru Chiba now."

---

A little over an hour later, Ranma stepped out into the streets of Odaiba, and pulled his hair out of the pig tail, letting it hang loose.

A couple of blocks later, he was sprinting across the rooftops, headed back into Juuban.

With that little piece of history taken care of, he was off to his next destination, back to Motoki's. Hopefully Nabiki would come through for him and arrange for 'Mamoru' to inherit all of 'Ranma's' things, including his mother's house.

He closed his eyes for a moment in mid leap for silent remembrance.

An explosion in the distance, and a faint psychic tug, and he abruptly altered his course, heading for the disturbance. He mentally grabbed the tendril of magic hanging there in his mind, and felt his clothing swiftly change to a tuxedo between one stride and the next.

Grunting in disgust, he sent a command to his ki, and felt reality warp around him once more, changing the Tuxedo Mask costume for the uniform for the Prince of Earth.

Much better. Actual armor that was only slightly dorky, no top hat or mask. The cane was traded in for a much more useful, if rarely used, sword. The flower bit was still there, but as degrading as it was for a warrior of his caliber, at least he could _make_ it useful when coupled with a variant of Ryoga's iron cloth. The cape was still there too, but it would come in handy if he needed some quick bandages or the more advanced umi-sen-ken techniques. He formed a small ball of ki in one hand as he closed, and noted its strength.

_Hmm. Best to keep it low key for now. No sense in revealing everything to the enemy._

He nodded to himself. The story would be true enough. Hard training. Now that he had enough ki to light a city block for a year, it'd be easy enough to duplicate the binding rose thing he'd learned in the dark kingdom.

He grimaced. The bad thing about having all his memories back was that they were _all_ back, including the ones he would have preferred remain buried.

_Back to the subject. Have to define my 'limits' before I get there._

Pumped up rose, rose restraint, low level ki blast (Note to self, come up with corny name)…

He glanced at himself and nodded. He'd come up with something fancy for the sword, too (and another corny name to go with it). He almost laughed. The girls were supposedly the stronger, but only because he'd had no real idea how to use his powers.

They had attacks, but he had pure power, just no idea how to channel it before.

Mamoru grinned in exhilaration as he dove off the roof at full sprint.

---

Usagi was not having a good day from where she struggled in its one handed hold around her body. The monster they were fighting was not only strong, but she was really getting pissed at its hands, which were getting a little grabby.

All six of them, which meant it could easily fend off her friends while holding her hostage.

"HAHAHAHA - AAAAHHHH!"

She blinked as a sword that wasn't Uranus's sheared through the monster's wrist like nothing. Then, before she could hit the ground, she was scooped in another set of arms, these ones much more agreeable.

"Endymon!"

He smiled at her as he set her down, a warm, heartfelt smile. "It's good to see you princess…" It then changed to a somewhat unfamiliar cocky smirk. It was strange, because even though he only usually looked like that when under the control of the enemy, she could still see the warmth in his eyes, where coldness would be there in the case of brainwashing. "But I have something to take care of before our reunion."

She gazed at his fluttering cape as he drew his sword and attacked the enemy, the other senshi remaining shocked at his unexpected appearance. The look in his eyes combined with that smirk… she shut her legs involuntarily. It had excited her.

Mamoru exchanged a few blows with the creature before leaping back and letting a golden light fill his unoccupied hand.

"Smoking bomber!"

The small golden globe of light flew across the distance between the two and impacted with a large explosion, leaving the monster burnt and smoldering.

Mamoru stood gazing out as the monster, holding his sword almost loosely in one hand. Then he pulled back and around, bringing the sword up high, it glowing with golden energy. "Flash cut!" In the next instant, he was in front of the monster, post swing, a golden arc still in the air from the blow. The energy faded as the monster crumbled to dust.

Mamoru stood calmly, turned back to her and smiled again. He crossed deftly between her still silent friends, Setsuna included oddly enough, and made his way to her.

"Are you hurt?"

Usagi shook her head, not trusting her voice. Then he did something that completely shocked her.

He crushed her to his body and gave her a long, soul-searching kiss. She felt her arms slide up around his neck almost unconsciously.

There came a cough from behind them, and Usagi almost groaned in disappointment, but managed to contain it. She could not however, contain the full body blush that came over her as her friends began their brutal questioning.

---

A few days later, Mamoru picked up his mail and started going through it, when he noticed a letter from Nabiki. After reading it once, he read it again.

And a third time.

And a fourth, and a fifth.

Then, he surreptitiously checked all around his empty apartment for party crashers, before he allowed himself to collapse and weep like a little girl.

The letter read as follows:

_Saotome:_

_I got you registered as your own heir. As far as the government (and anyone who wouldn't be able to take the truth) knows, you're Ranma's son, mother unknown. Strange, but anyone who knew you back then would understand._

_I also did some checking into your marital status._

_The Tendo arrangement has passed down to Akane's daughter, one Mizuno Ami. As I said, Akane married Shinosuke, before he promptly forgot the whole thing and wandered back to Ryugenzawa. This prompted Akane's foray into medical school, trying to cure him._

_The Kounji engagement is passed down through Ukyo and Ryoga's daughter, Kino Makoto. Ukyo was forced to change her name to regain her womanhood, a few years before her father accepted her back. She kept the new name out of spite though. Currently, she's lost with Ryoga, and neither has been seen in years._

_When the Kuno family was disgraced and all three were institutionalized by the combined efforts of five wards SWAT teams, the result of your father's stupidity passed to their cousins, the Hino family. Specifically, one Hino Rei._

_Apparently, Kaori Daijkoku didn't have the authority to anul the engagement. It's passed to her daughter, Aino Minako._

_I sent a message to the Amazons, who have quickly reasserted their claim. But in being 'generous' they've narrowed it down to a Japanese descendent who's still loyal apparently. Tenoh Haruka._

_Your 'arrangement' with Chardin Picolet stuck, in the form of Kaio Michuru._

_After your neko-ken training, your father needed to heal you on the sly, because your wounds were too serious to take to a hospital without too many questions. This never came up before because the man didn't have a child then, but does now. Tomoe Hotaru._

_This one's a little sketchy, but it's in the system nonetheless. Apparently your father called down the wrath of some greater being during your training trip. How it got into government records is beyond me, but he offered you as married to the god Pluto (considered married to the church as a priest before you go off the deep end, Saotome), who deferred to his high priestess Meio Setsuna, as an actual marriage contract._

_The last stain on your honor seems to be your mother's fault. A contract with the Tsukino clan was made, but it's passed from one 'Ikuko' to her daughter Usagi._

_And apparently they're all where you're staying. Juuban._

_Glad I'm in Vegas because no profit would make me want to be there when this shit hits the fan,_

_Nabiki_


	2. Battle Lines

Chapter 1 - Battle Lines

The Senshi all looked up at the sound of the sliding door to the temple slamming open. In stalked an enraged Mamoru Chiba.

He ignored Usagi for once and headed straight for Setsuna, hauling her up by the collar with one hand. "Why did you do this to me?" He hissed.

Setsuna looked faintly shocked, and that fact didn't fail to register with the other Senshi. "Do what?" Her tone was fairly quiet.

"THIS!"

He shoved a piece of paper in her face, and dropped her, turning away. Setsuna read the paper quickly while the assembled girls looked at each other in question. Setsuna's face turned white when she was done reading.

"Excuse me. I must check something." She was gone the next instant.

There was a long silence as the girls looked at him, then each other, then finally all heads except Mamoru's turned towards Usagi, who shrugged.

Usagi walked over to where the man she was destined to marry was pacing. When she was close, he waved his fist at the ceiling and belowed, "Setsuna, I'll hunt you to the ends of the earth!"

Usagi cringed back, but gathered her nerve, and tenatively asked, "Mamoru, what's wrong?"

He growled without turning around. "Aparently I've just been engaged to you."

Usagi's heart broke. "You… don't want to get married?" She sniffled.

Mamoru spun around at the sound, panic in is voice. "No, no. Usako, that's not the problem!"

Her sniffling abated a bit. "But you said…"

"I didn't mean you 'you', Usako."

Her sniffling stopped, and was replaced with confusion. "But what else could you mean?"

Mamoru braced himself. "I meant you, 'all of you'."

The was a syncronized group blink, as their audience took that in, not expecting to be sucked into the soap opera that was Mamoru and Usagi's relationship.

Ami was the first to understand. "You mean you're engaged to every one of us?"

Mamoru nodded miserably.

"WHAT!"

The girls all started talking at once. Finally, Usagi screwed up the nerve to ask, "Mamoru, dear, are you drunk?"

Mamoru shook his head. "No, but it's a thought."

Haruka squeezed her eyes shut. "Okay, how did it happen? I asume you have evidence?"

Mamoru nodded. "Yeah. It all started with a guy named Ranma Saotome."

---

Ami lay in her bed that night, still awake as her mother walked in from her late shift.

Mamoru's, _Ranma's_, story seemed unbelievable, but who was she to say anything? Besides, there were too many details, some she knew to be true, for it to be false.

So… she was engaged to Usagi's boyfriend…

She knew she shouldn't even dare think of him that way, but she kept picturing them side by side as doctors.

And for the short term, he'd be interning with her uncle, where she would be working as a receptionist.

A friendship, common interest, and constant close contact could easily lead to more.

It was only logical that she would attract his interest.

Not that she would do anything like that.

But it _was_ logical…

---

Rei smiled dreamily as she lay back on her bed.

Even if she'd given him to Usagi so long ago, what could have been haunted her thoughts and memories.

Rei clenched a fist above her face. She'd show that meatball head who was the better woman.

---

Makoto smiled to herself.

Mamoru was actually, by all acounts, a martial artist of legendary proportions. She'd have to challenge him to a match soon.

She knew she wouldn't be up to his level, but that would just mean she'd need to ask for lessons.

She'd a better martial artist in no time, with a person like him teaching her.

A person like him. Tall, taller than her, blue eyed, well muscled, their sweaty bodies grappling in the center of the dojo…

_Oh, if only he wasn't destined to be with Usagi._

Makoto shook off that thought and moved on to more pleasant ones. _Her_ fiance, the dojo, her cooking…

She giggled as she drifted off to sleep.

---

Minako nodded resolutley into her mirror.

She'd always thought Mamoru was easy on the eyes, but a little cold. But as he'd loosened up while telling his story, she'd seen sparks of warmth and misceviousness in his eyes.

Signs of a fun person just waiting to be led out of the closet by the right girl.

Someone like herself.

She cackled as she got into bed. Hearing the sound, Artemis shot under the bed and preyed his charge wasn't about to kill someone.

---

Hotaru frowned to herself.

She had indulged for a bit in fantasies of Mamoru leaping to her defense like he did to Usagi's, but eventually resigned herself to the facts.

He was too old for her.

But, a voice in the back of her mind spoke, the voice of her Silver Millenium experiences said, surely such a thing would be trivial after not too much longer. Weren't thay going to be alive… forever, almost?

And, she knew, Saturns were traditionally very lonley because everyone feared their power.

Hotaru's hardened. She had a chance for love, she needed to take it. After all, all was fair in love and war.

She would do whatever it took. She would not be alone for the rest of forever.

---

Haruka and Michuru slept peacfull in each other's arms. They'd agreed. Mamoru, not matter how nice, was a man after all.

Of course, they'd jokingly said they'd have considered it if he'd still had the curse.

And they both dreamed of big chested red-heads.

---

Setsuna wasn't sure where the engagements had come from. After checking, though, she'd understood.

Ranma was, by his very nature, chaos incarnate. A nature that had been supressed while he was Mamoru.

But chaos could never be contained forever, she understood this. Checking the future, she saw what she expected. Crysal Tokyo, many of them, in fact, separated by tiny differences.

On a whim, she looked into one. What she found shocked her, so she looked at another one.

And another.

And another.

And so on. When she was done she sat back and considered what she'd seen.

Aparently Mamoru was now the key to Crystal Tokyo. Why, she wasn't sure, but that was the nature of chaos. Whatever senshi he married became the new queen.

So why not her?

Why indeed. She _had_ been lonely over the past few millenia after all.

---

Usagi viewed this new changed to her beloved with a certain amount of distaste.

Not that she found it unattractive. Far from it, but that was the problem. Now he was _too_ attractive. She'd have to beat the other girls off him with a stick.

She went to bed still disturbed over this, and woke up gasping. She'd had a dream. In it, Mamoru and her future had faded out to the ringing of feminine laughter. She was't Rei, but she knew what it meant.

One or more of her 'loyal' senshi were plotting to steal her boyfr-fiance. She let out an unlady like growl, and summoned her scepter with a simple act of will.

Good enough for a stick, but maybe she'd borrow the shotgun Daddy always polished when Mamoru was mentioned, too. It wasn't good to use her Sailor Mon stuff in public untransformed.

She would defend what was hers.

---

Ranma, Mamoru, whatever, got little sleep that night.

When he finally did sleep though, he was huddled in the back corner of his closet, covered with old laundry.

Why, he couldn't say. He'd just had an instinctive, overpowering, urge to hide.

---

When Nabiki's message came, Shampoo had understood immediately. Ranma had finally thrown off her Great-Grandmother's techniques.

The process was usually called soul-death, as the victims usually never recovered. She should have known Ranma would, though.

So now another amazon, even if only a distant cousin, was getting a shot at the greatest male in history.

Shampoo smiled, careful not to get to close to the sides of the ship, lest she activate her curse.

She'd reach the mainland in a few days to support the young amazon, just as Great Grandmother had done for her.

---

Ranma knocked on the apartment door. He'd been dreading it all week, but knew it had to be done.

"WAH! My manly son has returned home!"

Visiting Mom.

-CRACK!-

Playing a round of 'Beat the Panda' was fun though. The Panda held up a feeble paw with a sign on it. #You're getting sloppy boy!#

Ranma snorted. "I went to China and beat Herb and Saffron in under a week! That was last month. You're old, pop."

But, alas, the Panda was out cold, and could not hear him. His mother hugged him. "I heard from Nabiki you're engaged again! To nine women, no less!" She smiled a saintly, and even sane smile, so Ranma started getting worried. "When can I expect grandchildren?"

_That_ got the Panda up. #Boy! You _will_ marry Aka-I mean Ami!# How the old man could write signs in the same way a person would talk, Ranma would never know.

He didn't care either. He was just hoping Chibi-usa didn't drop by for a visit any time soon.

_Aw, who am I kidding. With my luck she'll just knock on he door and introduce herself, looking for me._

There was a sudden knock on the door.

Ranma remained sitting on the couch like a rock. Internally, he held his face in his hands and wept. He had saved the world how many times now, and _this_ was how it repaid him?

---

Sailor Moon dusted the youma with unusual competency and intensity.

She had to, she knew. She had to beat the youma quickly so that there was no need for Mamoru to come and save her. Or any of the other girls who 'accidentally' got into trouble. . They were plotting against her, all of them.

Even Ami. Ami, she knew would try to pit them against each other. Mouse shy, Ami wouldn't get her own hands dirty.

Or Rei. Rei would wear something skimpy. Scandalously skimpy. And coming from a girl who fought grabby tentacle monsters in a sailor fuku, scandalously skimpy would cover precious little indeed.

Any of the others. _Any_ of them. Even Haruka and Michuru. Lesbians, bah! Obviously just trying to lull her into a false sense of security.

She shifted her eyes around. Every one of them was watching her. Waiting for her guard to be down.

Then bam!

Down she goes, and the perpetrators would dispose of each other and proceed to 'comfort' her prince.

Not on her watch.

If she wanted to keep the man of her dreams, she had to keep him out of the hands of the scantily clad whores in front of her. It meant she had to watch her back at all times.

The attack would come. She would give them the benefit of the doubt, as a princess should, but when the attack came, as she knew it would, she would be ready, and finish the job.

Usagi _would_ be victorious.

The hunk would remain hers.

Glaring suspiciously at the other girls, Sailor Moon jumped into the night looking around every so often to make sure no one was sneaking up on her.

Upon reaching her roof, she realized something else. She'd left his apartment undefended! Now that the battle was over with no sight of him, surely one of the sailor suited bimbos would pounce on him in his apartment!

Usagi sped off in another direction.

---

Ranma got out of the apartment with a relieved sigh. He'd gotten out of there with his skin intact. Fortunately, the knock on the door had simply been ill-timed take out.

His mother had been fine with him moving into her old house, which she hadn't had the heart to either set foot into or get rid of, as it held his room from when he was a baby. He hadn't even had to broach the topic. She'd insisted he move in, saying he'd need the space to keep his wife, his mistresses and all of the grandchildren.

Ranma had just wanted a piece of his past back, and maybe to cut down on a few bills. This was a bit scary, but frankly, he'd expected no less. Now he could just go back to the apartment, and start moving in the morning.

But he really did need sleep after the day he'd had, especially after the previous night.

Reaching his apartment, he placed the key in the lock, when the door seemed to fly into his face, coming off its hinges and speeding backward. Years of martial arts training failed him, for while he _did_ manage to dodge the door, he missed the human missile flying towards him.

Slamming to the ground he tried to get a better look at his assailant, only to bury his head in soft cleavage.

_Oh _god_ no._

"BITCH!"

The girl was smashed off him by an angry Serena, who held her scepter over one shoulder, having just completed a golf swing. Glancing down the hall, he saw Rei imbedded in the wall.

Usagi looked down at him. "Are you alright, Mamoru?"

He nodded uncertainly, not sure whether her wrath would be aimed at him next or not.

Usagi smiled sweetly. "Good. Stay here, while I… take care of this."

Ranma saw the malevolent gleam in her eye and fought an urge to whimper. He was certain he had not seen the last of this, even for the night. He was, unfortunately, correct. An arm started dragging his stunned form into his apart.

"Come, Mamoru, you really should lie down and rest after something like that."

Even _Ami_?

---

Sailor Moon staggered into her room. From what she'd been able to gather, Sailor Mercury had dragged Mamoru into the apartment, only to be frozen by some sort of chopstick attack from Venus. Moon had managed to savagely club Minako from behind, but by then Rei was up again, laughing hideously. She wasn't sure how or when Jupiter had arrived, but by then they were throwing magical attacks at each other. Somewhere in the middle of _that_ mess, Mamoru had simply up and vanished, and most of his things were discovered missing from the apartment.

And then Mars had launched one last attack at her out of spite, Usagi had dodged, and the end result was that with Ami being paralysed, and Michuru being absent, the apartment building burnt to the ground.

Usagi still wondered where her man was when she changed back and got into bed. She was almost asleep when it hit her.

Setsuna! The time guardian had extracted her fiancé and most of his things with time stopped!

She growled. Setsuna would pay.

---

Ranma dropped out of the Umisenken and took his things out of weapon space to put in the house before collapsing on the couch. It would do for now.

He would, he realized, have to use the Umisenken to come and go, because he did not need his mother's house demolished.

Again.

Only this time instead of three girls, there were nine, and they all had magical attacks. He hadn't seen any sign of the Outer Senshi near the apartment, but he knew it was only a matter of time before they were gunning for him as well.

The other thing he knew was that he couldn't avoid them forever. He'd go jumping to their defense in battle time and time again. It was hard wired into him, and he'd never be able to get rid of it. He just wouldn't be able to leave those situations alone.

He sighed, resigned himself to his fate, and went to sleep, having troubled dreams.

---

"What you mean, you no like Ranma!"

When Shampoo had heard that her charge had already met the man in question, she'd been overjoyed. Now she would simply inform her of the engagement and let the young amazon charge after her prey.

This was unexpected.

Haruka shifted uncomfortably. "Well…" She grabbed Michuru's had for support. Shampoo didn't miss it, and glanced between the two.

"Ah. Have someone. And is other girl." Shampoo shrugged. "No worries. Shampoo fix. Ranma never forgive Shampoo, but she fix. Promise."

Haruka frowned. "This isn't about Ranma! It's about Michuru!"

Shampoo sighed, then nodded. "Very well. She have to be tested to be sister before you can marry in laws of clan though."

Haruka and Michuru blinked. This was fantastic beyond their wildest dreams! But Haruka, knowing better than to take this for granted, asked. "Tested... how?"

Shampoo smiled, and inwardly smirked. She couldn't loose. Ranma would join the tribe. "In mortal combat with Shampoo."

---

Sailor Pluto nodded at her plan. It had taken her, quite literally, several years of planning, but she now had a foolproof plan to lure Mamoru so completely to her side that he would never be free – and would never want to.

It was vastly complex, involving the manipulation of a thousand things here at the time gate, coupled with a few personal appearances, but it would work. Her plan was to alienate him from all of the others, and seem more approachable to him. Display a vulnerable side few had ever seen.

Now all she had to do was wait for the proper moment to begin.

As her laughter carried off into the night, she forgot one thing.

No plan survives Ranma Saotome.

---

Hotaru nodded at her plan. It would take a few weeks for her to set it up, but a few slipping grades would be worth happiness forever.

It was simple, much more like the coldly calculated maneuvers she'd been famous for in the Silver Millennium. With her grades slipping, and not wanting to turn to Haruka and Michuru for fear of punishment, she would turn to Mamoru.

He would help Hotaru with her grades. He was in college; it would be no challenge for him. Enthusiastic thanks on her part, coupled with study sessions to ensure her grades stayed up, and she would entice him with the charm of a small schoolgirl.

It would not be long before he was wrapped around her little finger, helpless to resist.


	3. Meet the Parents

Chapter 2 – Meet the Partents

Ranma walked up to Tofu's Clinic to start his first day, hoping against hope that none of the girls would be able to find the place – he gave it two hours, max…

And didn't even get one second as it appeared Ami had beaten him there. He started sweating nervously as she smiled at him from behind the desk.

"Good morning, Mamoru."

"Ah… hello, Ami." He pulled nervously at his collar.

Dr. Tofu wandered into the room, all smiles. "Ranma. You're here. Good. Come on into the back with me."

Ranma nodded, grateful, and followed the good doctor back. "You didn't mention Ami would be here, doc."

"Hmm?" Dr. Tofu looked up from his notes and looked at him. "I wasn't aware it would be… oh. The engagement passed to Ami, then?"

Ranma grumbled. "And eight others to her friends."

His eyes widened. "They all know each other? Friends, even?"

Ranma shrugged. "Maybe not anymore. Ami's a nice girl… but… well, I thought you should be aware."

Tofu nodded. "I'll triple the insurance coverage immediately."

"Good plan, doc."

---

By the end of the day, Ranma was very much on edge by the fact that nothing had happened. Nothing. Fate was _not_ that kind to him on a regular basis. Even Ami hadn't been a problem. She'd been polite and professional if a little friendly.

Subsequently, he was looking all around him and backtracking frequently buried deep in the Umisenken to throw off any pursuit to his place of residence.

That's when he heard it.

"WHERE THE HELL ARE WE NOW!"

Ranma stopped and dropped the Umisenken, instantly shifting gears, and back into old patterns. He ran for the voice, grinning when he saw a familiar umbrella being waved around. "Hey, Pigboy!"

The response too was typical. "DIE, RANMA!"

Ryoga leapt in the direction he'd heard Ranma's voice in. Well, the direction he'd thought he'd heard it in; in any case, he actually leapt off to the right. Then he paused. "Ranma?"

"Yeah, P-Chan?"

Ryoga, probably in his mid-thirties, but looking like his early twenties, took in his old adversary. Then the 'P-Chan' comment hit him, and he swung the umbrella forward. "DIE, R-urk!"

Ranma was well out of the umbrella's path, but he needn't have bothered. A spatula smashed into the back of his old rival's head. Ukyo stood behind Ryoga's now crumpled form, and looked incredulously. "Ranchan!"

Ranma chuckled and scratched the back of his head nervously. "Been a while, eh?"

---

Michuru stared across the open lot at Shampoo, Haruka observing from the sidelines, who held her customary bonbori in a low crouch. The weapons had changed over the years, the heads about a third again larger, and solid metal now.

Michuru was sweating inside, wishing she could become Sailor Neptune for this, but knowing that that was a big no-no. They couldn't let anyone know about it, but it would have been comforting to know she could have that kind of firepower at her beck and call while facing the obviously formidable woman in front of her. That, and her water abilities turning the woman into a cat would have been a huge help.

With a spirited yell, Shampoo attacked, the bonbori lightning fast despite their weight. Michuru wasn't exactly sloppy in the hand arts, though hardly up to Shampoo's caliber, and she barely managed to dive out of the way. She rolled to her feet and took a stance. Shampoo nodded slightly, seemingly to herself, before flipping the bonbori into weapons space and taking her own stance.

Not waiting, Michuru charged in this time, laying out a rough series of stinging blows. Shampoo flowed around them like water, then snaked a single palm through her defenses. The seemingly light palm strike to Michuru's chest sent her flying backwards. Shampoo followed up, managing to run faster than Michuru flew, getting beside and a bit ahead of her, before flipping and delivering a crushing axe kick to Michuru's chest.

"Hey!"

Shampoo took her eyes off Michuru for a moment. "Haruka no interfere. Shampoo test girl. See if she worthy." Her eyes turned towards the sea-green haired girl gasping for breath. "She no worthy… well…"

Michuru rolled painfully to her feet. "You won't separate us. You _can't_."

Shampoo grinned. "Shampoo _can_. Can make you forget each other. Never recognize each other again." Her eyes narrowed. "Unless you can stop Shampoo now…"

Tears streaming down her face, Michuru charged. Shampoo waited calmly, then proceeded to beat Michuru into the ground.

Haruka fumed. Michuru was out there being creamed, and she knew that Shampoo could and would make good on her threats if Michuru failed, or she interfered. She struggled for something she could do to make this right.

On the field, Shampoo smirked as Michuru struggled to rise. "Still fight? Silly Japan girl stop struggling. Shampoo only have to hurt worse then."

Michuru growled. She would not lay down without a fight. She'd given up too much for Haruka and their love to be stopped now. She slowly staggered to her feet, and hissed out a sentence. "You'd have to kill me first."

Shampoo shrugged, and flipped her bonbori back out of weapons space. "Okay."

---

Ami walked into her house smiling brightly. She'd noted a trend in Mamoru's story about his life as Ranma, and that was that all of those girls had forced themselves on him, or been outright abusive to him. By being friendly, being someone he could talk to, he could start seeing her as more.

Her mother burst into the room, and Ami was startled by her mother being home for once, and wondered a great deal about just how she had changed from a psychotic engine of destruction to the dedicated doctor she was now.

"Ami! Quick! Run!"

"What?"

Her grandfather burst into the room just behind her mother and grabbed onto her, bawling. "WAAAH! The schools will finally be joined!"

Ami looked horrified at the man clinging to the front of her, and looked questioningly at her mother. Akane sighed. "He broke out of the nursing home when he heard… well, I don't quite know how to put this…"

Ami groaned, but Akane assumed it was at the sixty-year-old man currently drenching her in tears. She would have been half right. Akane finished. "Well, you've just been engaged to someone." Akane continued under her breath. "Stupid pervert."

Ami nodded slightly, knowing that it couldn't have been kept from her mother forever, but wishing her grandfather could have been kept out of it. She fought an urge to curse, surprising her with how difficult it was. Whatever points she'd gain from being nice would likely be more than countered by her elders being who they were.

She could only hope that the others were having similar problems, or she was sunk.

---

Makoto looked up from the stove at the sound of the knocking on her apartment door. As she walked over, she heard the sounds of a brief scuffle, abruptly ended by the sound of twanging metal.

Opening her door cautiously, she saw a brown haired woman holding a… spatula, glaring at two men, one of which she knew to be Mamoru, and the other holding a bright red umbrella.

_Wait… a spatula, and an umbrella… Mom and Dad!_

She squealed and threw herself out the door, latching onto her mother. The woman squealed back. "My baby!"

Behind her, Ryoga stood up and smoothed his clothing slightly, giving occasional glares to Ranma, before going over to join his family.

After a bit of awkwardness, Makoto finally took stalk of the other person in the hall. "Mamoru. Thanks for bringing my family back to me."

Ranma nodded, feeling strangely like an unneeded fourth wheel on a tricycle. Makoto turned back to her parents and blushed. "Mom, Dad? You probably already knew this, but... I'd like you to meet my fiancé, Mamoru Chiba."

Ranma knew that was his cue to leave, and quickly. Ryoga charged after him a moment later. "DIE SAOTOME!"

Makoto frowned. "I thought Dad would be happy. Mamoru said they were friends."

Ukyo sweat dropped. "Uh… maybe he didn't cover _all_ of the details."

---

Shampoo charged in again, this time with her bonbori leading the way. Michuru knew she couldn't block or dodge, she could only hope to survive trying to get one last hit in. She would _not_ let her love for Haruka die without a fight.

Michuru went low, knowing that no matter how easily she handled them, the bonbori made her top heavy. Shampoo flipped backwards, kicking Michuru away. The girl bounced once, twice, and a third time, before falling heavily to the earth.

Putting one bonbori away, she stalked forward, resting the other easily against a shoulder. When she got to where Michuru lay, conscious, but too tired and sore to move, she raised it above her head with both hands. Michuru glared and gave a feeble kick in her direction.

Shampoo smirked and swung the bonbori down at Michuru's head. Michuru glared at her and tried feebly to move, but to no avail. At no time, though, did she stop glaring at Shampoo.

-Thump.-

Shampoo arched an eyebrow as she watched the head of the bonbori fly off, before looking at Haruka, in full Sailor Uranus regalia, holding the space sword. "No."

Shampoo looked her 'cousin' up and down before smirking. "No what? No bring in new sister to tribe?"

Haruka blinked. "What?"

Shampoo, looking oddly at the uniform once more, turned to Michuru and started pressing a few pressure points. "Not about beating Shampoo. Shampoo be _very_ surprised if that happen." She glanced up at the blonde girl. "About never giving in. Even in face of death. Not about being stronger than Shampoo, that can be trained. About being strong in mind. In soul." She turned to Haruka and beamed, before directing the beaming face to a slowly, very slowly, recovering Michuru. "Be happy. Green-Hair-Girl strong. Will make good sister, yes?"

Haruka nodded slowly, shifting back to her civilian form. Shampoo gathered Michuru into her arms and they began walking out of the lot. She looked at Haruka, back in T-shirt and jeans again. Her eyes narrowed. "Now you tell Shampoo why you dress like first elders, yes?"

Haruka groaned.

---

Two days later, Ranma was almost a nervous wreck. Beyond Soun and his father, nothing had happened with the other girls.

Nothing.

He hadn't even seen them on the street. Ami was the only one he'd seen, and that was only through work. He was concerned about this development, as fate liked to toy with him some before trying to kill him. And this was an awful lot of toying.

"HOLD, FOUL SORCERER!"

_Shit._

This was followed by several other highly colorful sayings he'd picked up in America, but the author won't repeat here. Spinning around, there was Tatewake Kuno wearing the remains of a straight jacket and holding a brightly glowing boken. "Uh…"

Kuno charged, bellowing all the while. "Not content with the fierce tigress and the pigtailed girl, are you! Must you now go after the gentle flower that is Akane Tendo's child! Must you now pursue even the fruit of my cousin's loins!"

Twitching, Ranma leveled a palm and shot out a Moko Takabisha.

_Whoops._

Ranma had forgotten that he had access to whole new levels of power now. And while the energy blast had felt like a normal percentage of his reserves, he did not get a beach ball sized orb of energy like he would have when he first used the technique. The fast moving wave of sheer power had more in common with one of Ryoga's 'perfect' Shi Shi Hokudans, and more power than most trains going at full speed as it hit Kuno dead on.

So it was understandable that he was taken aback when Kuno seemed to be unharmed when the dust settled. Kuno raised the boken. "That… did not hurt."

Then he toppled forward, completely unconscious as his clothing burnt and frayed instantly. Ranma stood over Kuno for a few moments, trying to figure out just what had happened, before blinking in shock and covering his face with a hand.

Kuno was an idiot, but a powerful idiot. In his warped and delusional mind, he had accidentally created an impressively complicated but not overly useful ki technique. Kuno's warped sense of his own invincibility was such that his ki had adapted, shielded him from the majority of the blast, and actually _warped reality_ not letting the effects of the attack catch up for several seconds.

Shuddering at the thought of Kuno actually learning how to use ki to alter reality for even the briefest of moments consciously, he turned to go, but was halted by a voice behind him.

"Wait!"

Another man, about Kuno's age ran up to him, and bowed deeply. Wondering a bit about the implied respect, Ranma bowed a little himself before fully examining the man. He had straight black hair, neatly cut, and, when he straightened, bright blue eyes much like Ranma's own. But that wasn't the reason he thought the guy looked a little familiar… at least he didn't _think_ so.

"I must thank you," The man stated, "For stopping my idiot cousin."

Ranma fought the urge to recoil in horror, and almost managed, containing it to a light flinch.

The man sighed. "I see you are… aquanted with my family."

Ranma was nervously eyeing the man, wondering what exactly his damage would be. "You might say that, yeah."

The man bowed again, but not quite so deeply or formally. "I must apolgise then, it seems. My cousin's line of this family has been… peculiar." He straightened. "But if I may, how exactly do you know my cousin, Mr…?"

Ranma winced, but answered, knowing it was futile. "Mamoru Chiba, or Saotome, depending on who you ask. The whole legal situation is up in the air at the moment. And you are…?"

The man's eyes widened a bit, and Ranma knew he'd made a mistake. "Tetsuo Hino. I believe that you are… aquainted with my daughter?"

Ranma began cursing in his mind with everything he had. "Yes. Yes I am."

Looking at Ranma's expression, the man winced a little, but continued. "I don't suppose we could find somewhere quiet to get to know each other a little better, could we?"

Now, completely resigned to his fate, Ranma conceeded. "Sure – but if I see any sign of a boken, I'm bolting."

Tetsuo nodded serously. _Yes, he is very well aqauinted with my cousins._

---

Setsuna smiled evily from her place at the Time Gates. Operation 'Meet the Parents' was in full swing, and there was now nothing at all that anyone could do to stop Ranma from encountering all of the girls parental figures within the next few days. This would fully highlight the other girls disadvantages and maximize her own.

It was now time to move to phase two….

But what the hell. She'd stick around and watch some of the stage one fallout instead.

Ranma hadn't seen anything yet.

---

Tetsuo and Ranma had been talking for a about a half hour, Ranma finally realizing where he knew the man from, politics. Mamoru had followed fairly closely and so knew of him vaugley. And, despite the situation, he found himself liking the man, as he was perhaps the sanest person he'd met in quite a while.

So Ranma was noticably startled when he seemed to duck down under their table at a local coffee shop.

"Uh…"

"Shut up, Mamoru," Tetsuo hissed. "My wife just walked by! If she finds me here… it won't be pretty."

"JEAN CLAUDE!"

"Oh hell."

Ranma nearly had a heart attack as Asusa Shiatori (Or was that Asusa Hino, now?) dragged Tetsuo from under the table and hugged him mercilessly. To stunned to really do anything, He watched as Asusa proceeded to quick change his clothing to a bright pink suit and skip out of the store, pausing only to steal a silver tray in the process.

She got three steps towards the door before two men in black suits burst in and shot her full of tranquilizer darts. Then they dragged her outside, where Ranma could both Asusa and Kuno being loaded into a nondescript white van by men in white coats.

The patrons and employeees of the little bistro were gaping in shock as well, and Tetsuo looked like he might break down and cry. "Enough horse tranquilizer to take down a bull elephant in each one, and they just barely stop her," he muttered, mostly to himself.

Finally Ranma found his voice. It took every bit of manners that he could dredge up from Mamoru to phrase it as politley as he did. "You married _her_!"

'Her' was not the word he wanted to use.

Tetsuo seemed to snap out of his shock. "Marry? NO! Well, not really. She took me off the street one day and locked me in a roon. A _pink_ room."

Seemed being the operative word.

"Pink. Pink everywhere. For years. Many years. Enough years to be married by common law. Enough years to go crazy and knock her up in an insane attempt to get out."

He seemed to pull himself together a bit here, and Ranma let him ramble on. "When a man goes crazy, he has two options. He gets better or he dies. I got better." He glanced down at the pink suit and did a full body twitch. "Mostly. But you can see why I had to leave Rei with her grandfather, of course."

Ranma nodded dumbly, and signalled for the waitress as Tetsuo started crying again.

Politely ignoring the way she was eyeing him, he cleared his throat and said, "I think I'm going to need something stronger." He glanced at Tetsuo, who was now rocking himself gently. "And I think my friend here will too."

The waitress looked at the victim of Nerima's own 'Pink Clepto' and nodded soberly.


End file.
